What to Write in a Book of Remembrance: Wording Ideas and Examples

In a book of remembrance or condolence book, write a short, honest message: the person's name, one memory or quality you'll always think of, and a few kind words for the family. Two or three sentences is plenty. A real detail, like the way she hummed while she cooked, will mean more to the family than the most polished phrase.

Most of us freeze when we're handed the pen. There's a queue behind you, the family is just across the room, and suddenly "Sorry for your loss" feels both too little and the only thing you can think of. Here are some ideas and examples to borrow, so you can write something you'll be glad you wrote.

What is a book of remembrance?

A book of remembrance is a book where people write messages about someone who has died. You'll find them at funerals, memorial services and celebrations of life, and sometimes at a church, school or workplace. A condolence book is much the same thing, although its messages are usually addressed to the family rather than about the person.

Some families read theirs again on every anniversary. Others put it on a shelf and only open it when they feel ready. Either way, what you write will be read more than once, often by the people who loved them most.

A simple way to structure your message

If your mind goes blank, use these three steps:

1. Name them. Use the name you knew them by: Grandma Pat, Mr Hughes, Dave from the allotment.
2. Share one thing. A memory, a habit, something they used to say or the way they made you feel.
3. Close kindly. A few words for the family, or a simple goodbye.

That's it. You don't need to sum up a whole life, and nobody expects a poem.

Book of remembrance wording examples

Short and simple

• "Thinking of you all. Margaret was one of the kindest people I've known."
• "With love and fond memories of a wonderful neighbour."
• "Thank you for sharing him with us. He'll be so missed."

With a memory

• "I'll always remember Pete turning up with a ladder before anyone had even asked. That was him all over."
• "Every Christmas Jean sent an enormous card with news from the whole street written inside. I'll miss reading them."
• "Your mum taught me to make pastry when I was nine. I still use her trick with the cold butter, and I think of her every time."

For a colleague

• "Sam made Monday mornings bearable. The office is far too quiet without his terrible jokes."
• "Anne was the person everyone went to when they were stuck. She always had time, even when she didn't."

When you didn't know them well

• "I only met Tom a few times, but I could see how much he meant to all of you. Thinking of you."
• "With sympathy to the whole family, from Rachel (Emma's friend from university)."

A little lighter

Funny memories are allowed, and families often treasure them most. Keep it warm and use your judgement:

• "Grandad never once let anyone else carve the turkey, and he was quite right not to. Love, Ellie."
• "Only Linda could get lost on a straight road and come back with a new best friend. We'll miss her so much."

What to avoid

• Phrases you wouldn't say out loud. If you wouldn't say it to the family's face, don't write it.
• Making it about you. One line on how you knew them is helpful. A page about your own grief is better saved for a private letter.
• Guessing at beliefs. Unless you know the family's faith, leave religious wording out.
• Anything private. Stories that would make someone blush over the sandwiches belong in a private card, if anywhere.
• Just your first name. Add how you knew them. Years from now "Sue" means nothing, but "Sue from the choir" does.

If you're putting out a remembrance book yourself

If you're organising the funeral or a memorial, a few small things help people write more:

• Put a short prompt on the first page, like "Share a memory of Dad" or "What will you remember about her?"
• Write the first entry yourself, so nobody faces a blank page.
• Leave two good pens out. One will vanish.
• Put the book somewhere calm, not in the doorway where everyone queues.
• Leave a few loose cards beside it for people who'd rather write at home and bring it back later.

Any sturdy hardback with generous plain pages will do the job. Our Book of Special Guests, arriving this autumn, was designed as a guest book for weddings and homes, but its plain pages, calm cover and slipcase also make it a good choice for a celebration of life.

Keeping their special days alive

A remembrance book captures the day you say goodbye. What many families find harder are the years after: the first birthday without them, the anniversary, the day of the year they always made a fuss about.

This is where a memory book can help. Our Book of Special Days has a page for every date but no years, so you only write when something happens and the pages fill up over time. You could add a note on their birthday each year, the story of the day you planted a tree for them, or the first time a grandchild made their famous crumble. Slowly those pages become a quiet record of someone who is still very much part of the family. You can find it with our other memory books here.

If you'd like ideas for those pages, our guide on what to write in a memory book has plenty, and the book that becomes a family heirloom tells how our own family book started with my granny.

FAQ

What do you write in a book of remembrance?
A short message with the person's name, one memory or quality you'll remember, and a few kind words for the family. Two or three sentences is enough.

What is the difference between a book of remembrance and a condolence book?
They're very similar. A book of remembrance is mostly about the person who has died, while a condolence book is usually addressed to the family. Many families use one book for both.

Is it OK to write something funny in a remembrance book?
Yes, as long as it's kind. Families often treasure the funny memories most. Just leave out anything that would embarrass someone.

What can I write if I didn't know the person well?
Say how you're connected and offer your sympathy, for example: "I only met Tom a few times, but I could see how much he meant to all of you."

What kind of book works as a book of remembrance?
A sturdy hardback with plain, generous pages, so people have room to write and the book lasts. Put a short prompt on the first page and leave good pens next to it.

How can we remember someone on their birthday or anniversary?
Write a short note in a shared family book on that date each year. A perpetual memory book like the Book of Special Days, with a page for every date but no years, works well for this.